welcome to children 101

Children & Control

about children 101
mental health issues facing children
Mental Health: in the womb & the first year of life....
Mental Health: Two, Three & Four for more!
Mental Health: The Elementary School Child
Mental Health: The Chaos Begins - Almost Teens...
Emotions & Feelings
Just Love 'Em - What Children Need
Children & Fear
children & anger
Children & Control
Power Struggles
learning to communicate...it's a 2 way street!
Setting Limits & Boundaries
self esteem
Dealing with a bully
Character & Values
Social Skills
Children & Friendships
Children Need Extended Family Relationships
Lifestyle Factors
Children & Responsibilities
About School & Education
Sex Education
Spirituality & Children
Gifted Children
Children with Special Needs
Children with Special Problems
children with special gifts
Children & Stress
Child Abuse & Neglect
Dysfunctional Family Life
Children & Divorce
Parenting Tips
An Adoption in the Family
Single Parenting
Same Sex Parenting
Step Families
Foster Families
No Kids? Be A Mentor!
When Kids Self Medicate
When A Parent Dies
When A Sibling Dies
Children & Trauma
coping mechanisms for kids
teaching life skills

welcome to the emotional feelings network of sites

A not for profit network of self-help websites.

i'm really glad to see you!
you've found your way to children 101 within the emotional feelings network of sites.

do you have children or transport children?

click here... it's an emotional feeling "you tube video" that'll cause you to be more careful in how you transport your child(ren).

children 101 divider

click the link to go to nurture 101!

There's a new site in the network! I am almost finished completing each page, but I can't wait anymore to tell you all about it! Please pay it a visit soon! It's an important topic!


nuture 101

Click here to send me an e-mail! I'd love to hear from you with any questions, suggestions, comments, ventings or sharings! You could also just say hello!
visit my new personal blog!
and you can help support me in my writing ventures by visiting my health and happiness column for the Dayton, Ohio area by clicking here! Even though you don't live in the Dayton area you can get some great health and happiness ideas by reading my column and then looking for something similar in your area!
I do appreciate you so much!

children 101 divider
children 101 divider

Teach Your Children to Respect You - By Ineke Van Lint

The most important value you will ever teach your children is:

to respect their parents.

And since you can't pass anything on that you don’t incorporate yourself, you'll have to start by first respecting your children. If they don’t feel treated like a human being, worthy of respect and love, deserving of your attention, then their cooperation will be in short supply.

First, you show them respect. Second, you teach them to respect you.

So how to go about this in practice?

What to do if your children complain about the food, insult you because you’re picking them up from the gym 10 minutes too late, or if they don’t want to clean up their own mess?

Let’s have a look at these situations one by one:

1. Are the kids complaining about the food? Do you hear a “bwerk” when they see what’s in the casserole?

Well, you are no fool, are you? You just spent one hour in the kitchen preparing that meal. Before cooking, you spent one hour at the grocery store buying the food.

Before that, you spent many hours on the job, earning the money to pay for that food. So you now start asking yourself, “Did I not give enough of myself for this meal?”

Yes, you did! You do not owe it to them to prepare a warm meal every day. But you do owe it to yourself to get some respect from those for whom you make all these efforts. Enough is enough!

You did your part of the deal, now it’s up to them. Teach your children to say “thank you” for every meal. If they have no “thank you” on offer but only muster a “bwerk,” then you aren't making dinner for at least 2 days!

Soon they’ll be begging you for a warm dinner and God knows they'll be very grateful when they finally get one on the 3rd day! Never continue delivering a service that isn't appreciated.

You’d be a fool to do that! How does it feel to be toiling away behind the stove, all the while fearing your efforts and goodwill won’t be appreciated? This is no way to live! If they appreciate neither your efforts nor your cooking, then make them go without for 2 or 3 days, and see what happens.

2. Are the kids insulting you just because you’re ten minutes late when picking them up from the gym?

Then stop picking them up from the gym for a few times! Make it clear to them that they have to appreciate your effort of taking them and picking them up. Don’t start an argument with them, for that doesn’t work.

Don’t keep explaining time and time again that they should respect you, but rather show them by taking action. If they're unable to see the difference between the important facts (you're there to pick them up) and the unimportant facts (being 10 minutes too late), then let them feel the difference.

Next time around, simply don’t take them to the gym, so they'll become aware of the difference and learn to appreciate what you're doing for them. Don’t settle for being treated like a slave. You are worthy of respect! Show them what it means to be a person who respects himself. Respect yourself and others will respect you.

3. Are the kids complaining that “there is nothing to eat” in the house, while the kitchen cupboards are bulging with food?

What they mean, of course, is that THEIR favorite food isn't available in large enough a quantity. Do your kids have this kind of complaints?

Okay, here’s what you do: stop going to the grocery store for a while. That way the kids will have to first finish all the food in the fridge and in the cupboards (or go do some household shopping themselves, also an enlightening exercise).

This also makes for an economical cleaning up of all those half-finished packs of crackers, biscuits, cheese and the like. Then comes the next phase where there really is “nothing” left in the cupboards.

Now is the time to go to the grocery store and you can bet on it that they will appreciate the new arrivals! They will feel like there’s “so much to eat,” while in fact there’s less food than when they were complaining there was “nothing to eat.”

4. Are the kids putting tons of ketchup on their food, continuously ignoring your warnings to be more economical and eat healthier? Stop arguing about it, for that doesn’t work.

Instead, stop buying ketchup all the time! For example, buy one bottle of ketchup per month and clearly tell your children that they’ll have to do with this one bottle for the whole month. When the bottle is done, it’s done, till next month comes around. If necessary, buy a bottle for each child and label it. That way your children will learn to regulate their “ketchup behavior.”

5. Are the kids ignoring your orders to put their shoes in the designated place? Do they go on leaving their shoes all around the house?

Tell them this will be the last warning, and that from now on, any shoes found scattered around will be “launched” into the back yard. And then, stick to your promise! I had to do this once with my sun’s basketball shoes: I launched them outside. As it happened, that night it was raining cats and dogs. The next morning he cried, “What do I do now? My shoes are all wet!” I said to him, “Sun, this is your problem.” Believe me, I had to do this only once! Once your children know that you will do as you say, then you won’t have to do it. They will respect your word!

6. Are your children’s rooms a mess? You want the mess to be cleaned up?

Don’t do it yourself! Your teenagers should clean up their own mess! So instead of arguing about it, tell them that they have to clean up their room before dinner on Saturday.

That way you're giving them plenty of freedom to chose their own timing. Come Saturday evening dinnertime, go check if the room is tidy. If not, then there's no dinner for that child.

After all, this was the deal:

room to be cleaned BEFORE dinner. They can still clean their room right there and then and have dinner when they’re done, but as long as the room isn't clean there's no dinner. You could also say, “You clean your room and after that you can go out with your friends.” Be consistent and do as you say.

This is where many parents stumble when dealing with their children: they argue too much. They go on explaining the same thing dozens of times.

Do you really think the kids didn’t understand what you were saying? If you have said something 2 times, then that’s enough. After the 2nd time, you should ACT and not TALK.

Don’t argue with them! Never argue with a child. You're the parent, you're the one who decides. You can negotiate with your child, but don’t feel you need to explain yourself.

Kids have much more energy than you do and sooner or later you'll give up (or give in) because your energy is spent while theirs isn't. They know that and they'll win the battle!

Don’t get tempted to go into endless discussions with your child. Learn to act after the second warning. Be consistent! That’s the only way to get respect.

Are you a Parent or a Commander?
by Terrie Anderson
It's absolutely a parent's responsibility to guide their child into a responsible and contributing adult.

It is necessary for you to have some disciplines, and not to give your child everything they want, even if you can afford it. You should ask your child to do small jobs for you even from a young age, to participate and contribute. If you don't, you will foster a person who expects a slave also in adulthood, and you set them for disappointment.

I recently heard a Mother say that she never says no to her child, she always reframes it. Actually, hearing the word 'no' is a very normal part of life, and certainly when they go to school and work they are going to need to be used to hearing this word, as they will hear it from others. I have close experience of the behaviour problems of a young man, who rarely heard that word as a child/teenager. He now resents the word and embarks on a destruction campaign towards the person who said it. He is 20 years old!

So, we establish some basics: that sensible discipline and life training is good.
What is very important is that you use your parent skills as a family leader, not as a military commander. You want your children to be open and able to come to you without fear with their mistakes, so you have this chance to guide them appropriately.

Lets understand how the 7 principle of how the Commander works:

1. They usually want to know who is to blame, for any misdemeanour.
Often asking your children to help you find a solution first is a good idea, asking them to help you fix it or clean it up.

2. Commanders Yell loud and clear!

Talking in a calm and rational way to children, even in their most frustrating teens, is a much stronger statement. You can be angry but you still do not need to yell at children, or anyone. Have you noticed they do not respond well?

3. Commanders expect that their children have no opinion, and no ideas.

Try and bring out the mind and creativity for useful purpose. Ask them to share a task with you, ask them how they think it should be done. Make the task interesting for you and for them. You will be rewarded.

4. Commanders do not take time to listen actively.

When your child needs to tell you something, make the time to listen properly. Actually hear what they mean, not just what they say. If you do not have time to listen right now, the make a time. Better still, schedule a time everyday where you sit down and really listen, so they are also looking forward to a small piece of quality time with you.

5. Commanders ask closed questions, that is questions that can be answered with a 'Yes' or a 'No'

Try to ask open questions of your children, ones where they must give some information in the answer. Eg. Instead of 'Is that the T-shirt you were wearing yesterday? Try 'When did you last wear that T-shirt?'
Then go back to point 4 and listen to the answers you are given.

6. Commanders forget the please and thank you

Don't forget it, manners and politeness start with you!

7. Commanders assume they are only in control when in command mode.

Command mode can be intimidating to small children and downright confrontational to older children. try rephrasing things and communicating properly with children. As an example, let us assume your 13 year old girl is wearing a dress too short - Instead of 'You will not wear that dress, it is ridiculous', Try ' What do you think that men feel when they see you in that dress?' Start a short discussion, usually they do these things to defy the commander, and will quite quickly admit it is a silly idea themselves.

Parents have much stronger bonds with their children than commanders, and children respect a parent, whereas they will normally defy a commander ( or worse withdraw and never realise their potential!)

Raise your awareness as a parent, and Enjoy Life with your kids!

All rights reserved
Copyright 2009 Terrie Anderson

Author's Bio
Terrie Anderson is the author of The Little Red Success Book and The Essence of Truly Great Leadership. Terrie has had a very successful corporate career and also coaches and mentors a very small group of people throughout the world. In 2009 Terrie Anderson will be available again for speaking engagements for public or corporate events. The Little Red Success Book has just been released as an online version.

You can contact Terrie Anderson at
terrieanderson.com where you will find The Little Red Success Book, her blog, opportunity to register for membership and a contact link.
source site: click here

the following web links are provided for your convenience in visiting the source sites of the information displayed on this page:

click here!

Click here to visit the Red Cross page that allows you to access your local chapter of the Red Cross by entering your zip code in the specified box, to see how you can help in your area. You can also call your local Red Cross Chapter that you can find the number for online or in your local phone book to volunteer for any openings that may need to be filled or you can find another way to help others there as well!

you've been visiting children 101
please have a great day & take a few minutes to explore some of the other sites in the emotional feelings network of sites! explore the unresolved emotions & feelings that may be the cause of some of your pain & hurt... be curious & open to new possibilities! thanks again for visiting at anxieties 102!
anxieties 101 - click here!
anxieties 102 - click here!
almost 30 sites, all designed, editted & maintained by kathleen!
until next time: consider yourself hugged by a friend today!
til' next time! kathleen
this is simply an informational website concerning emotions & feelings. it does not advise anyone to perform methods -treatments - practice described within, endorse methods described anywhere within or advise any visitor with medical or psychological treatment that should be considered only thru a medical doctor, medical professional, or mental health professional.  in no way are we a medical professional or mental health professional.