The following information was found at www.coping.org! It's a fantastic site and I highly recommend you go there to see it all for yourself. You may
find some very useful information!
Parenting Pathfinders' Tasks Over the Life Span
Parenting Pathfinders make sure that
the child is being conceived:
Parenting Pathfinders make sure that during the pregnancy the
child is being:
- Provided a healthy womb environment
- Provided adequate nourishment
in the womb
- Monitored & attended
to by medical professionals with both parents' participation
- A shared event by two loving,
excited & caring parents
- Spoken to & touched by
both parents while in the womb
- Provided an emotionally sound
& stress-free womb
- Prepared for by both parents
working together to set up space in the house for the new arrival
- Anticipated by both parents
who are jointly learning about & exercising for the birthing process
- Cared for to insure a full
Parenting Pathfinders attempt to make sure that the birth of
the child is one where:
- Labor & delivery is a
shared parental experience which has been previously dress rehearsed
- Labor & delivery is an
event in which steps have been taken to avoid surprises or medical crises for both parents & child if possible
- It's a result of a medically
- There are good APGAR scores
& normal birth weight
- Child is at full gestational
- It's a welcomed, joyful & greatly relished event for both parents
- It's a welcomed, joyful & greatly celebrated arrival into the extended families of both parents
- All costs of pregnancy, labor,
delivery & nursery stay are pre-paid or covered by date of birth, so that no large medical bills remain once child comes
- It's followed by arrival
to the home, which is fully prepared & waiting for new family member
Birth to 2 years
Parenting Pathfinders make sure that the infant experiences the following:
- Welcomed & accepted into new family by all siblings & other extended family members in home
- Sibling rivalry exhibited by older siblings, addressed & handled in
a healthy way
- Self awareness of self, body & needs encouraged
- Healthy & harmonious relationships with others reinforced as important skill to acquire
- Identification as self as different from others encouraged
- Characteristics which account for differences between people pointed out
- Accurate identification of body parts & other identifying characteristics
- Read to & surrounded in an envelope of verbal sounds to encourage expressing
verbally & non-verbally, wants & needs
- Receive verbal & non-verbal messages of recognition & positive
- Allowed to express feelings openly & taught words & gestures to
assist in their expression
- Limits set in a babyproofed home as to where exploration & free play
- Harmonious relationships between parents & other family members exhibited
- Adequate physical touch provided to give warmth, acceptance & cared
- Adequate mutual emotional attachment between child & both parents
- Experience of unconditional love from both parents
- Sense of security & trust developed between child & both parents
- Emotional intimacy & closeness established between child & both
- Development of a sense of belonging in family
- Development of sense of being wanted in family
- Establishment of bonding with parents & family
2 to 5 years
Parenting Pathfinders encourage the preschool age child to experience the following:
- Acquisition of skills of self-care including: feeding, grooming, toileting, personal hygiene, clothing
- Acquisition of communications skills to verbally explain and describe self needs, reactions, feelings and desires
- Recognition of appropriateness of actions in relationships with others
- Acceptance of personal responsibility for own actions in all spheres of life
- Provision loving direction and guidance as to what are acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors or actions
- Identification and explanation of human feelings
- Identification and explanation of roles
in human relationships
- Identification, exploration and reinforcement
of the place of accomplishment, productivity and industriousness in life
- Encouragement to describe self in positively esteeming terms
- Identification, enhancement and reinforcement
of personal talents, skills and abilities
- Permission, encouragement and reinforcement to be unique, individualistic and distinct from other members of family without negative comparisons
- Acceptance and recognition of search for personal autonomy with no parental resentment, rigidity, or obstruction
- Establishment of healthy physical and emotional boundaries
- Introduction to concepts of natural and
- Adjustment and adaptation made on entering
systems, organizations and settings outside of home
- Learning to comply with demand environments
such as pre-school, church nursery, day care, play groups, clubs, athletic teams, etc.
- Continuity of Pathfinder philosophy of
responsibility taking and self-esteem enhancement advocated within the organizations serving the child
- Recognition of difference between fun and work activities and how to adjust to the different requirements of each
- Support and compassion provided to adjust to reactions of the harshness of outside world pressures
- Reinforcement of creativity, imagination
and intellectual capabilities
- Recognition of capability of being a choice maker
- Recognition of personal sexuality and difference between sexes
- Introduction to concept of Higher Power and spirituality
- Provision of healthy physical affection hugs, cuddling and cradling
5 to 11 years
Parenting Pathfinders encourage the elementary school aged child to experience the following:
- Identification with peer
- Achievement of optimal potential
- Intrinsic motivation to succeed at school
- Sense of security in presentation of self to others
- Sense of altruism and service to others
- Acceptance of individual sexuality and difference between sexes
- Ability to share reasonably
well with others
- Enforcement of respect for others
- Compliance with social norms,
rules and regulations
- Openness in communicating of feelings
- Participation in and leading
- Realization that sexual stereotypes
are poor determinants for roles individuals take in society
- Acceptance of physical changes in body soon to take place
- Acceptance of warm hugs, physical affection and caring
- Acceptance of personal role in family, peer group, school and community
- Acceptance of responsibilities expected at home, school and other outside activities
- Conflict resolution, sibling rivalry reduction and mutual cooperation in family
- Recognition as being a person capable of determining own future in life
- Career mindedness
- Appropriate information on
realities of world issues and problems to develop a sense of personal place in world
11 to 21 years
Parenting Pathfinders encourage the pre-adolescent, adolescent & young adult child to experience the following:
- Acceptance, understanding & recognition of autonomy seeking behaviors
- Support & guidance on
how to resolve interpersonal conflicts in relationships
- Independence of action within
responsible guidelines encouraged
- Acceptance & open discussion of responsible sexuality
- Accomplishment of career
oriented educational experiences
- Entrance into world of real
work to gain insight into meeting personal survival needs
- Acceptance & open discussion of personal sexuality, sexual identity & sexual orientation
- Entrance into career oriented
academic & training with clarity of intended career goal
- Adoption of healthy lifestyle
to promote personal physical & mental health
- Taking charge of own physical
& mental health promotion
- Promotion of personal self-esteem by responsible living
- Capability to be honest with
self & others in assessment of personal skills, abilities, competencies & talents
- Ability to openly explore
personal problems, concerns & worries with helpers to resolve resulting emotional unbalance
- Responsible attitudes, beliefs
& behaviors displayed in terms of experimentation with alcohol, smoking & drugs
- Responsible sexual behaviors
- Ability to take over personal
nutritional planning & balanced diet control
- Ability to recognize stressors in life &
how to overcome them
- Recognition of the appropriate use of recreational & leisure activities in life
- Ability to be a Pathfinder
& teach others about responsible living based on personal experience
- Willingness to take personal
responsibility for own life without manipulating or hooking others to take over
21 years & on
Parenting Pathfinders encourage their adult children to display the following:
The Parenting Pathfinder's parenting
tasks are only effective in enhancing children's development if they are performed by parents. Parenting Pathfinders
recognize that it is parental actions, role-modeling, and handling of children which have direct impact on their responsibility taking and self-esteem.
There is no definitive delineation
of a stage when a certain task must be accomplished. However each task must be accomplished by parents at some time in children's lives. Each task once accomplished must be sustained over the remaining life span if it will have a positive impact.
The tasks of parents in the adulthood
stage are all aimed at encouraging adult children to exhibit behaviors on their own. The goal being complete independence from and non-enmeshment with their parents. Knowing developmental parental tasks helps parents gauge what is currently not
accomplished by them with their children so that remedial or proactive actions can be instituted.
Parenting Pathfinders' Task Assessment
each of your children review the Parenting Pathfinder'sTasks which cover each child's life span up to present age & chronological
Use a different colored
ink to respond for each child. Put a plus in front of those tasks which you've accomplished for each child at least
75% of the time.
Put a minus for
each task which you haven't accomplished at least 75% of the time.
The minus designated
tasks are then in need of either your remedial attention if they're in a stage of life preceding the child's current one or
your proactive attention if they're in the child's current chronological stage.
your personal journal respond to the following questions:
1. What is your impression
of the Parenting Pathfinder's Tasks list?
How realistic is it?
2. When you were putting minuses
in for your children in stages of their life that have long since past, how did you feel?
What can be done to make up
for those tasks which were not accomplished in earlier life?
What do you need to do to
3. When you were putting minuses
in for your children in their current chronological age stage, how did you feel?
What do you need to do to
insure these tasks are met?
Do you have the tools to assist
your children accomplish these tasks?
What more do you need to accomplish
4. In reviewing your results
with your partner's, how much did you agree or disagree?
What impact will this have
on future parenting?
How easy will it be to agree
on a joint plan of action to remediate non-accomplished tasks and facilitate tasks needing to be accomplished?
5. How much guilt or shame
is generated by reviewing these tasks for children's self-esteem and personal responsibility taking?
What do you plan to do with
How will resolving this guilt
assist your children accomplish the tasks to develop into healthy adults?
6. If your children are adopted
or step children, how did reviewing these tasks affect your understanding, compassion, and empathy for their current functioning
in your family?
What remedial steps need to
be taken to help them experience parenting tasks which their natural parents did not achieve with them?
7. Children don't ask to be
born into this world.
How significant do you believe
the conception, pregnancy and birth stages are in children's self-esteem development?
What drives your beliefs in
8. How comfortable are you
with the development of children who are independent from their parents?
How comfortable are you with
them solving their own problems and not turning to their own parents to rescue, fix, or take care of them when they are adults?
9. What has reviewing these
parenting tasks told you about your Pathfinder role with your children?
What Pathfinding Principles
do you still need to implement in your life to enable you to complete these parenting tasks with your children?
10. How will your home life
change as a result of using these tasks as outlines for encouraging your children's self-esteem?
How comfortable will your
partner be with these changes?
How do you think your children
will respond to them?
Off the Internet
(based on a story by Tolstoy)
A frail old man went to live
with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his
step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating
difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law
became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about Grandfather," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating,
and food on the floor.........!!"
So the husband and wife set
a small table in the corner. There grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had
broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes
they saw a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched
it all in silence..........Then; One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl
for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents
that they were speechless. No word was spoken but tears streamed down their cheeks and both knew what must be done. That evening
the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither
husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive.
Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. Remember the saying "Children are like sponges, they absorb everything and anything that is put in front of them.
Where Does Self Esteem Come From?
by Gary Robertson
And why not? Self esteem equates to confidence, being attractive (without having to fake it), and being a magnet for
success, wealth, popularity, and a whole host of other goodies. The Law Of Attraction requires a genuine core of self esteem before it swings into action, bringing whatever we desire to us without our having to lift a finger. We don't have to earn what comes to us when we have lots of self esteem. It comes to us as a cosmic gift.
But if we don't already
have that core, can we generate it by positive thinking? Not really! Positive thinking flows from self esteem, not the other way around. And it doesn't come from carefully tending
our mental garden plot either, any more than weeding, fertilizing and watering makes our favorite plants grow. We can weed
out all our negative thinking and still not see the flowers grow.
Why not? Because the seed
has to have already been planted. And that's the part most of the RA RA programs out there don't understand, therefore fail to produce the desired result.
So where does the seed of self esteem
come from? Connection. We all experienced connection before we were born. We didn't know what it was, but it fed us, removed waste products, and nurtured us from single cell to viable fetus. After our umbilical connection was severed, we continued to have emotional and mental connection to our human providers for at least a couple of years. That's how mommy knew what to do when we couldn't say an intelligible
So an even better analogy than tending seeds would be a hose connection. Self esteem is the natural experience of having connection to unlimited sources for whatever we need, whether it be emotional support (aka unconditional love), mental guidance, and spiritual abundance. Shaking the hose may be great fun - and even produce a few sprays
of water on occasion - but the hose bib has to be connected and turned on before there is much volume.
What happened to most of us is that
we never had a quality of connection that was sustainable. Or it didn't provide enough healthy nutrients for our seeds of esteem to take root and grow strong
and healthy on their own.
ow can we tell if we have viable connection
? Take this simple YES TEST. Can you say yes to three simple statements?I
(without taking anything from anyone else
am enough! (on my own, without connecting to anyone else
he universe is enough!
(everyone has enough without anyone lacking what they need
f we cannot affirm
these statements whole heartedly, without qualification or condition, then our connection
isn't complete and fully functional. Which explains why so many of us are trying out so many different kinds of strategies
designed to make connection
with love partners, soul mates, family ties, children, pets, food, products of every
kind designed to fool everyone that we are worth more, when deep down we know we are not.
nd that's just on the human level. How about all the spiritual and religious pathways
with a divine source of plenty? Who doesn't have one or more practice that's geared toward appeasing, enticing, or demanding
that the cosmos supply us with more of what we want? Think
about it? How many of the above mentioned things are you doing every day? Or perhaps only on Sabbath - and hoping that Divine
Grace stays with you through the following Saturday night. N
o wonder there are so
many pathways back to Oneness with the ultimate source of everything. Only problem with that scenario is that once having
made that one-way trip down the birth canal, it is mighty difficult to climb back into the womb!
any of the unhealthy behaviors
we see in ourselves and others around us are attempts to derive what we need
from objects, companions, family, and close
relationships. That's like trying to get enough water second hand from them, rather than finding a spigot that supplies clean
water for ourselves. W
hat we need
instead is a viable method of making connection
with unlimited supply at a spiritual level. A cosmic hose bib, as it were. We need
to realize that many of the avenues available to us, whether codified religious systems or new age spirituality, extract
a high price and deliver often contaminated supply.
nd we need connection
to ourselves, as well. Few of us can say we know our innermost hearts - who we are as individualized spiritual beings as
well as unique human beings. One of the main distractions
for knowing ourselves are the people - real or televised - attempting to tell us to be someone else. Look different. Do something
different. Live our lives in generic ways suitable to the purposes of someone else. I
only when we have viable connection
internally and to the creative power
of the universe that we have enough flowing to us. Only then do we have that sense of being filled up that we commonly call
. When we are full, we cannot not be valuable
. Who can say we aren't valuable
when universal sources demonstrate that we are?
For more on this and related topics, take a look at http://doihaftagrowup.com.
Author's Bio Gary Robertson is author of DO I HAFTA GROW UP, THE ADULT GUIDE TO UNFINISHED
BUSINESS OF CHILDHOOD. Find out more at http://doihaftagrowup.comAs director of Springs Foundation, a non-profit organization, he designed a program called Growing Bones that
allows clients to reclaim missing elements of their developmental foundation and become truly grown up. Springs Foundation
offers healing methods based in Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine. Visit HTTP://springsfoundation.org for more information.
How to Develop Self-Esteem in Children
By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
There are two goals that all parents should have for their children.
The first is self-esteem, the sense that one is a lovable, worthwhile individual. Without it, a person cannot find satisfaction in life or relationships,
The second is a sense of morality, the courage to do what
is morally right and refrain from doing what is morally wrong. If most parents do not instill this in their children, we would
not be able to function as a civilized society.
Eugene Anderson, ED.D., George Redman,
Ph.D. and Charlotte Rogers, Ph.D. in their book, "Self-Esteem for Tots to Teens" (Parenting and
Teaching Publications, 1991), describe five principles for developing self-esteemin children and adolescents. The first is to acknowledge and listen to their thoughts and emotions since they are so much
a part of who they are. Listening to you offspring with empathy says you care about what they think and feel. Plus it will
create an atmosphere in which they will be more willing to listen to you.
You don't always
have to agree with your kids when you listen to them, nor let them do whatever they want. You can have a different
view on a situation and still understand their perspective. And you may still have to discipline them even if you better understand
why they misbehaved.
The second principle, which should be self-evident, is to structure
situations so your children experience more success than failure. Don't expect standards of performance which they cannot
achieve. You want them to grow up with far more praise than criticism, more accomplishments than failures.
Third, give your children some degree of control over their lives. When they are younger, they can choose what
clothes to wear, for example, as long as they are appropriate for the weather. Or what breakfast cereal to choose. When older,
they can choose what courses to take in high school or what college to attend.
control sends the message that your children can't adequately handle their lives. Too little control sends the message
you don't care, so you must strike a balance between these two extremes and give them more freedom as they grow older.
Fourth, let your children know they are lovable and capable. Again, this is a self-evident principle.
You should give your children daily expressions of affection - hugs, kisses, words of love, praise and appreciation. Think
of them as cups of love which you want to fill with as much caring as you can.
model good self-esteem yourself. To me, this is one of the more important principles since you can't give to your children what you don't grant
to yourself: self-love. Research is clear that high self-esteem parents have high self-esteem kids whereas parents who are low in self-esteem have kids who are low in self-esteem also.
There are no guarantees that if you follow these principles your children
will grow up to feel good about themselves since there are factors in self-esteem development over which you have little control - their physical attractiveness, peer relations, intellectual abilities
or athletic abilities, as examples. But I can guarantee they'll have a poorer chance of developing good self-esteem if you don't follow these principles. After all, your unconditional love and support is the most important ingredient in
their mental health.
Author's Bio: About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist
with Adult & Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold
thru bookstores everywhere or available directly from http://selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux & http://selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must
include authors copyright & website hyperlinks.
5 Easy Things To Do With Your Child To Build Self-Esteem
By Michelle Rossi
Look around and you'll see that low self-esteem is becoming an epidemic! Raising your child's self-esteem takes time,
but here's 5 quick ways to help them become more socially and academically involved.
1. Write down 10 positive
words. Have your child recite each one back to you, then have them think of ways that each word represents them.
Help your child write out 3 goals that they would like to accomplish this school year.
3. Create an art project with
them using an 8X10 picture frame, inside have them cut out pictures of family, friends, pets, and anything that makes them
happy. Make that be the first thing they see when they wake up in the morning. That will put a smile on their face.
Place yourself in their shoes. You'll find communicating with them becomes much more active.
5. Ask your child questions
such as: How was your day? Did you learn anything new in school today? Who did you sit with during lunch?
five wonderful ways to help build your child's self-esteem, positive thinking and confidence. Anytime a child accomplishes
a goal, their self-esteem soars!
Michelle Rossi Author/CEO All About Me Program for Today's Youth.
Author's Bio: Michelle Rossi, (White) is a graduate from Oakland University, Rochester, Michigan. She has earned her Bachelor
of Science Degree in Elementary Education & a Michigan Teaching Certificate. She is the founder/CEO of the All About Me
Program that is being utilized throughout many communities. The program is geared to teach today's youth how to build self-esteem,
positive thinking, understand the creative mind, communicate better, learn about personality, friendships & how to set
goals. Michelle's workbook All About Me, is the instructional tool used in the program which has been reviewed by Mort Crim
& other news media. Michelle's workbook & program is by far helping today's youth grow socially & academically
Michelle has been published in Chicken Soup for the Kid's Soul 2. Her story is called, "Start With The Truth."
She has also been published in Chicken Soup for the Child's Soul. Her story is called, "Who's to Blame?" Chicken Soup for
the American Idol Soul has published her story, "The Youngest Idol Fan."
source site: click here
Children and Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the value we
place on ourselves. It is the feeling we have about all the things we see ourselves to be. It is the knowledge that we are
lovable, we are capable, and we are unique. Good self-esteem means:
- having a healthy view of yourself,
- having a quiet sense of self-worth,
- having a positive outlook,
- feeling satisfied with yourself most of the time,
- setting realistic goals.
Both adults and children benefit from good relationships, experiences
and positive thinking. Many of the steps necessary for building a child's self-esteem will also help you in developing and
maintaining your own.
As a parent, you have the greatest influence in shaping your
children's sense of self-worth; you are their first and most important teacher. Their self-esteem is further influenced as
they develop relationships with other family members, school teachers, friends and other adults.
Love and acceptance
Showing children that they are loved and accepted simply because
they exist is the first and most important step to building a healthy self-esteem. Children need to get the message that they
are worthy of love (even if they behave badly sometimes) from the most important adults in their lives - their parents, You
must remember to:
- give love with no strings attached,
- show love and acceptance through your daily expressions of
affection, care and concern,
- spend time together - play, work and relax together,
- show that you feel good about them by hugging them,
- tell them often, "I like what you did/said" and "I love you."
A sense of belonging
Children need to know that they are important. When they feel
accepted and loved by the important people in their lives, they feel comfortable, safe and secure, and open to communication.
If children feel respected and secure within a family, they will find it easier to make friendships outside the family. To
help children develop that sense of belonging, you can:
- help them build valuable family and community relationships,
- encourage pride in their family's ethnic background and heritage,
- keep reminders of family events and family history around the
home (photograph albums, home videos, etc.).
Security and safety
Children must have their basic needs met if they are to feel
safe and comfortable. A sense of security and safety allows them to take the next step: to try new things and to learn about
When children feel safe, they are less likely to be afraid of
failure and more likely to risk trying again when they fail. Through this process, they are able to experience success. As
their parent, you should try to:
- provide a safe physical environment,
- set and enforce clear rules and limits,
- be realistic in your expectations,
- encourage them to say "No" to negative pressures.
A stable environment they can depend on provides children with
a sense of security. It is important for children to learn that their actions have consequences. Knowing that you can be relied
upon to be consistent and to give help when necessary helps children to think, "I can trust you, and I can trust myself."
To build this kind of trust, you should:
- be consistent so they know what to expect,
- be sure your verbal and non-verbal messages agree,
- be honest about your feelings to yourself and to the children,
- treat each child fairly.
Children will develop respect for themselves and for others
if they learn that what they think, feel and do is important. If you put them down or call them demeaning names, your children
will feel unworthy. Criticism or punishment which is too harsh will prevent children from developing self-confidence. By accepting
your children's right to have feelings, you can help them learn to respect the feelings of others. If you teach your children
healthy ways to express their feelings, they will learn to develop positive relationships. When dealing with your children,
you should remember to:
- accept what they are feeling even if it is different from your
- show respect for their feelings, beliefs, actions and individuality
by listening with sincere interest,
- make "I feel" or "I believe", rather than "You are", statements
when you do have to tell children what they are doing is wrong.
We are all special. It is important for you to help your children
discover their own special talents and qualities. Once they do identify what makes them special, they need to learn to value
their own strengths. Remember to teach your children that feeling special does not mean feeling better than others; rather,
it is a positive understanding of their own uniqueness. You should encourage children to:
- value their uniqueness,
- be optimistic,
- have a cheerful attitude (remember to set a good example),
- try things their own way,
- understand that trying your best is more important than winning.
It is extremely important to give children support and approval.
Children who have faith and confidence in themselves and their abilities will be more likely to lead happy and productive
adult lives. Teach your children to learn from their mistakes, to work towards a goal, and to have pride in their successes.
- encourage them to face challenges and take risks,
- teach them to make decisions and to set goals,
- express faith and confidence in them and their capabilities,
- provide opportunities for them to take responsibility for their
- help them recognize that there are things they must accept
and things they can choose to change,
- give them an opportunity to succeed.
Do you need more information?
There are many books written for teachers, health professionals
and parents, that provide information and ideas on helping to build children's self-esteem. You can also contact a local community
organization, such as the Canadian Mental Health Association, to find out about workshops and other programs available in
source site: click here